Welcome!

In my 5 years as a stepmom, what I have learned is that there are very few resources that encourage stepmoms to live their best life. All you hear as a stepmom is either a) you are trying to be the mother, step back and learn your place, b) why aren't you doing more for these children? You should love and treat them as your own or c) you married a man with children so you knew what you were getting into. None of these are accurate, nor helpful. Nevermind if you have slightly more unique challenges in your situation, forget about it. And thus, this blog was born.

I do not have any biological kids. Other than my (in my very humble opinion) moderately extensive time with children (time as a nanny and then as an aunt), I knew absolutely nothing about being a bonus mom going into this. Add on the fact that I have a bonus son with severe ADHD, and simply put, you now know how I came up with the theme and title of this blog.

I make no mistake in telling literally anyone that being a stepmom is THE hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It is an ever-changing, constantly evolving position. One day I feel like I have this whole thing figured out and the next day I am sitting there on the verge of tears because everything around me is changing, everyone is in a bad mood and nothing makes sense. Literally everything can change in a moment. 

The topics I plan on covering most are stepmomming, being a "childless" stepmom, being a stepmom to a neuroatypical child and life. 

But for now, here's ten facts about me to give you a better understanding of who I am:

1. My name is Karen but I promise you, I am not A Karen.

2. I am 31 years old.

3. I married my husband in October 2019.

4. I have known my husband since we were in middle school and originally met my stepson when he was 3 weeks old (since my husband and I were always friends), although I became his stepmom when he was 2, almost 3.

5. I work in accounting, which is hysterical to me because I never, ever thought I would be in this line of work (to the point that I made fun of my brother for studying accounting in college).

6. My bonus son is 7, almost 8. He is funny, kind, very smart and interesting. He is also a pain in the ass, sometimes whiny and can be manipulative. In no way do I mistake his ADHD for his issues, as they are wholly separate entities and it is very easy to tell the difference between a child manipulating you and a child who cannot do the task at hand because they are incapable of doing so.

7. I am a dog person and am moderately obsessed with my dog. I love her so much.

8. I have 3 degrees and pride myself on how hard I worked to get them.

9. Born and raised native New Yorker, and proud of it! Currently reside in Middle-of-Nowhere, PA so that we can have an active role in my stepson's life (which we do with 50/50 custody).

10. Nothing I enjoy more than ridiculous. Horror movies, TV shows, music, whatever it is, the more ridiculous the better it is.

#stepmom #bonusmom #atypical #adhd 

Comments

  1. MissShaneSApril 9, 2021 at 3:48 PM

    Just here to say hello and that I listened to you on the radical stepmom podcast. I am a childless woman dating a man with a child of two years now. More or less a stepparent.

    This shit is SO hard and emotionally exhausting. I didn’t realize what I was getting into when he and I met. Thanks for blogging about your experience!

    ReplyDelete
  2. MissShaneSApril 9, 2021 at 3:49 PM

    Also, my SS12, has ADHD. So difficult for a highly sensitive introvert like me. Oof.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LovelyKarenApril 16, 2021 at 12:20 PM

      Hi! I am so glad you found my blog!

      It is so, so hard to be a stepparent in general, even with neurotypical kids. But having a neuro atypical stepkid is very difficult, especially when you aren't really allowed to make many/any of the decisions for them even though you feel you see it's right there and super obvious.

      And you ARE a stepparent. Dating or not, if you are actively in that child's life and have been, you're their stepmom. No certificate will change that bond. I dated my husband for years before getting married and I was always referred to as his stepmom because that's what I was/am!

      You've got this! Just remember that it's not all on you and that he has 2 perfectly capable parents to care for this child.

      Delete

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