This Stepmom Thing is No Joke

 Stepmomming is the one thing in my life where I can truly say I literally never know where I am coming or going. I think things are in a good spot and then, BLAM, some shit hits the fan. 

As I've previously mentioned, my stepson is high needs, so that throws some sort of curveball from time to time, but there are certain things in this stepmom game that seem to be totally fine and figured out and then you are reminded oh yeah, there's an entire other household that we have to deal with, and sometimes they make our lives more difficult just by simply existing or making demands (or not meeting demands).

I've been his stepmom since he was 2.5 and met bio mom maybe a year later. She's quiet and doesn't say much. This isn't for me to talk shit about her because quite frankly, that's not my MO. She loves her son and does her best by him, and that's all we can ask for. But we definitely have differences of opinion on many topics, and there's a bit of expectation on her end that we cover the cost of, well, almost everything (even though the CO does not dictate that) and it can be frustrating.

The other week I was working from home and my husband was running late so he asked bio mom if she'd drop stepson off with me. For reference, my husband does like 95% of transportation (only if it's convenient for bio mom will she drop off/pick up stepson). She tells him no because the last time I saw her I apparently made her feel unwelcomed and that she'll only drop him off with us if he's (husband) here. 

The last time I saw bio mom was for 90 seconds and she barely said a word to me. She was talking to stepson the whole time.

I knew that this was just an excuse so she wouldn't have to do anything. This is typical of her. She thinks that because she gave birth that she shouldn't have to do anything logistical or pay for anything. It makes things difficult in our home because so many of our resources go to stepson (when in a normal house it would be split) and it just seems unfair that I am being blamed for something that I had nothing to do with all so she wouldn't have to drive 30 minutes (max) total.

If literally anyone else said something like this to me or treated me this way, I would probably laugh it off or say something to them and then move on. However, since that's my stepson's mom, there's always this expectation of playing nice and not causing problems. Which, yeah, I'm an adult. But sometimes I get so, so sick of being the bigger person. There are so many things that are done (or not done) that I am expected to just be all butterflies and rainbows and totally OK with it, even though it can have a negative impact on me, my husband, my stepson and our home. 

Frankly, being a stepmom can feel like a constant battle of not knowing if the right thing is to shut up and sit back or speak up and cause a ruckus. Oftentimes we feel like we know what's best because we have that outside perspective, rid of those rose-colored glasses that biological parents often seem to have. But if you speak out, society tells you to stay in your lane, the bio parents can have any sort of reaction and then you're left feeling defeated. 

Stepmamas, life is never easy when you have an entire other house to consider. But keep positive knowing that over time and with experience and proper boundaries, this can be a beautiful life.